STAR BLOGGERS

The better we get at money-making, the worse we get at baby-making. Updates on Singapore’s low birth rates are like an annual event with a predictable, sad ending. The government has put in various financial and social incentives to try to persuade Singaporeans to procreate. But it seems no matter what they do, the situation just seems to be getting worse each year.

I came from a family of seven siblings, and my husband came from a family of ten. Both of us are also the youngest amongst our siblings. When I recall it, none of my neighbours had any less than four children themselves. It was the traditional set-up of the 1970s: The fathers were the sole breadwinners, and mothers were housewives. We all lived very simply, on hand-me-downs, and most of the elder siblings would set out for the workforce right after completing their O-levels. But growing up in a huge family, in a neighbourhood of huge families, needless to say, was fun.

A couple of times, I’ve been asked the question: Why stop at two? Here’s my point of view:

There are a multitude of reasons why someone who enjoyed growing up in the company of many siblings chooses to have only two of her own. Singapore highly encourages all her citizens to work – to meet the demands of her economy. And even if one chooses not to work, income from a sole breadwinner is limiting, especially with the high costs of all aspects of living, current and future – one of which is educating children.

The nature of Singapore’s society has also changed tremendously. The extended family which provided the support for the care of young children is almost extinct. Instead of a trusted care giver, parents now have to turn to infant-care centres, home helpers – strangers to care for their children. This leaves mothers with guilt – something not many are comfortable with, especially having to do it over and over again.

Thus, to ensure that the children we have been responsible for bringing into this world are provided with at least enough education to survive in it, many women like myself choose to work. Bringing up children without love and attention is of course meaningless. Time with the family is always very limited for the working woman and man. So as not to spread our attention too thin, the solution thus is to have less. Only then can we justify that we have been responsible parents.

So if you ask me: When can we have our 2.1? I’d say, not until we figure out how to have our cake and eat it too. Besides, quality is always better than quantity, right?

Nora Adam is a 37 year old holding a managerial position. In between juggling her job, two hyperative kids, and the dreaded housework, she has completed her post-graduate degree in sociology. And yes, short of having her tubes tied, she is stopping at two.

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